I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
