Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
