soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
