it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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