I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
