We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
