3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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