There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
