i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
