In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
