but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
