I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
