You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sarcasm needs its own font
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
