I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
