Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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