I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
