I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Of course I have a pirate flag
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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