dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
