Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
