Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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