shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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