The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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