Where did you get a picture of my penis
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
