I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
