Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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