She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
