he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There r osticjed everywhere
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's blow job season.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
FUCK WHALES
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