you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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