Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
