just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think a kid would responsible me up
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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