this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
