Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
