meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
worst night to have a conscience
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
