Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
