its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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