I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
