How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize
