they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I have post one night stand depression
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