We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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