You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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