so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
