is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
