Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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