So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
