so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
