He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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