he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
