Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
