If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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