im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
