Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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