Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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