The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
