she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
